Goodbye, Love Shack

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I sat there all those months while the house was for sale, wondering how in the world when the time came to leave I would ever manage to fit my life in my pocket. But it is DONE. Every nail in every wall, every box, every scrap of trash… DONE. It took until midnight working in the dark with the electricity off.

I said I wouldn’t look back, but you know I walked through the dark, empty rooms of my beloved house and felt all the energy of all of the Love that lived there, all the friends who laughed there. Literally, from all over the world. As I locked the gate for the last time, I reached through and touched the old brass knob one more time and said a blessing for the new owners. Oh. The Love Shack was such a lovely, lovely dream of a house. Every brick and every wall, I loved, spackled, smoothed, and shined. I am grateful I got to live in such beauty. Tomorrow at closing, I will take with me a box of Christine’s childhood pics I found. The last thing.

You know I am a sentimental old fool who finds magic in the simplest things. My most treasured memory of that house is the Scorpio birthday party Chris and I had years ago when a bazillion Butch-Femme.com people from all over flew in. It was a ridiculously huge slumber party, except no one slept. We talked until dawn. Thinker and Sonia gave me windchimes as tall as I am, and I had my yard guy hang them high high high in the tree over the hot tub. One by one over the years, the enormous chimes loosened and fell. It was a joke that I would sit in my hot tub trying to relax and look up at those chimes, just knowing one was gonna break away and stab me like a javelin from Gawd. For the longest time, there were three chimes remaining, twinkling together as a delicate symphony and sometimes a banging cacophony with our prairie breezes. Me, Chris, and Meesha. Then I noticed when Chris left, there were only two. And as I was moving and selling my memories and feeling so fucking alone these past weeks, only one lone chime. Aint it like that in the end? The same note over and over as I dismantled my life. Today, a man buying some leftover furniture from me said “Dang, what’s that sound? Church bells?” I said “No, its my windchimes.” But when we looked out the window, there were none. Just frayed strings hanging high in the tree. The sound we heard was the last chime clanging on cobblestones.

I’ve been living in ashes all year. I am so grateful that part of the transition is over. And no way can I say I was alone! I’m grateful to all my sweet friends, lovers, and neighbors who helped me and Meesha move. Our new place is much, much simpler, but still full of Love. I have so much to be thankful for.

(The pic is of my adopted emo Meesha, looking out at the yard today as we were packing away leftovers from the yard sale from hell,)

Article written by

Daddy Rhon is known as an outlaw poet, author, artist, speaker, kinkster, web developer, community organizer, queer activist, and a founding leader of the genderqueer movement

21 Responses

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  1. cracksback
    cracksback at |

    *hugs*

    You are being so strong.

    There will be another love shack. I just know it. And it will and even lovlier dream of a house. And no one will be able to take it from you.

  2. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    Oh, its something to dream of. :)

    Thank you, my friend.

  3. wickedsuzi
    wickedsuzi at |

    Rhon, you probably already know that almost everything you write, I save into my “memories” folder…. and you are the only person on earth who could understand how this past year has chewed my heart to hamburger. I feel everything right along with you and I loved that house too, and everything in it and all the memories we all made there. Sometimes it’s all I can do to take just ONE more breath when I’m in the midst of a full fledged barrage of remembering and I feel like I have to be so quiet and move so carefully so that the monolith hanging over my head doesn’t drop.

    But then I remember the other houses you made beautiful too, the original “green room” and the sweet flowers you’d bring into my room in the second house just so as to brighten my day and you said how you always liked to have a spot of beauty around even if there wasn’t much money.

    I cherish you Rhon…. you’re my sweetest friend and your strength amazes me. As Crackers said…. we’ll all make more wonderful memories and there will be another house for you to work your magic on. Just wait and see.

    Heaven and I love you!

  4. rebelxstacy
    rebelxstacy at |

    Rhon that is an amazing photograph of Meesha. Thanks for sharing it all; the good & the ugly. I love the way you write.

  5. wickedsuzi
    wickedsuzi at |

    And YES that IS an amazing photograph of Meesha. You should send that one in somewhere, most definitely.

  6. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    I know. Meesh asked why you and Heaven hadn’t been up to visit and I told her you were hurting too. Love you, baby.

  7. hotairharry
    hotairharry at |

    What Crack said. A house is just a house. But a home is where you let your heart be still. You’re doing great, Rhon. And Meesha is obviously thriving like a strong oak under your care.

  8. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    Thank you, Stacy. The Shack was the nicest place The Meesh ever lived too, and the longest, and she was sad to leave it too. Isn’t she cute in that hat, though? It was from my vampire Halloween costume years ago, and she squeeled and claimed it like a rawk star. :) I love it when you post pics of your kids, too.

  9. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    My lil budding oak needs a switch to her narrow lil behind. :)

  10. dlls2934
    dlls2934 at |

    Rhon what was in that house was there because of you. It isn’t the house, it is you. You carry that energy and love with you everywhere. A house is just walls, the people in it are what makes it feel like it does.

    You and Meesh will make anyplace you are filled with love and light.

  11. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    Thank you, X. The nitty gritty place where I came from had no beauty and not much love, and then I was homeless for a good long while in my youth. Long enough for my hands to turn black no matter how often I washed them. That longing for home never left me.

    But I am so lookin’ forward to this weekend. WhOOt!

  12. dlls2934
    dlls2934 at |

    Ah I didn’t know. My former boy was a street kid and he loved coming to stay because he said it was the only time he ever felt what home meant. Even as an adult he was a nomad and lived in his car most of the time.

    I will be there. Hey! I hear your gonna play dare or dare with my girl in the bar friday night ;). Oh man, your brave.

  13. b_bit
    b_bit at |

    YES… this is it exactly! You carry “Home” within you, Rhon… tis obvious from the stamp you’re already putting on your new place.

  14. blues_gal
    blues_gal at |

    I understand your longing for home, but Crack is right (I don’t think we should tell him though, it’ll go to his head.) you bring the energy with you. It’s you that makes the home, and your love for Meesh will make it home. This is just a harbinger for greater things, mark my words.

    (((RHON)))

  15. bluemamie
    bluemamie at |

    It’s not easy to be a stone building in a ghost town. You must be made of some pretty tough stuff.

  16. rev_hank
    rev_hank at |

    I cant believe I never visited the love shack. I feel like a failure of a friend because of it. I always planned on it. I guess I took for granted that it would always be there and I would go visit you all someday.
    People who visited always had amazing things to say about it.
    about how warm and loving the hospitality was. How beautiful the place was…
    Im sorry I missed out, Rhon but I always loved hearing all the stories.

    Closing the book on this chapter, my friend. Time to write the next.

    I loves ya, brother.

    and I LOVE the slashed out emo pic of meesh!!

    (ay ay s is some weird shit from my phone I cant get rid of. not a secret code for anything, fyi. : P )

    ay ay s

  17. mmmicx13
    mmmicx13 at |

    The love in always found in your heart and in the heart of those around you. Once you connect to it, once you create a home, you never lose it no matter what. You may disconnect from it but it is like putting back together a puzzle: piece by piece. The love shack is You and will always be within You.

    You are blessed with many things. Don’t lose site of those items in the midst of the dark times. Remember to look for what I call the windows along the way.

    Hugs,
    chel

  18. daraqw
    daraqw at |

    The windchimes were one of the things I left behind when I sold “my” house. One of the first things I bought for the new house? New HUMUNGOUS windchimes from Music of the Spheres.

  19. catssu
    catssu at |

    man oh man… i wish i had words my friend…
    it’s been such a journey for you. continue to move forward
    with that big heart of yours, and look to having goodness
    spread all over you and M.

    i was glad to be a part of the Love shack a time or two… it
    was a wonderful place created with Love that was shared.

    peace to you Rhon… and big Love!

  20. nycfemme
    nycfemme at |

    I have finally gotten onto LJ after a three month hiatus. I am glad I got on to read this. You know my thoughts are with you! I have moved a lot and the hardest part is when moving because you “have to” instead of because you “want to.” Good luck sweet Rhon. Give Meesha kisses from me and Holly. And your new place will be a home soon enough with the two of you in it. :)

  21. urbanminstrel
    urbanminstrel at |

    I’ve said it elsewhere: That is a beautiful portrait of Meesha, and I see a lot of you in her there. And once a place is full of love, it’s home. Big hugs.

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