Fall is my favorite time of year. The crispy first-day-of-school feeling in the air, and the trees letting go of their adornment so that we can really see their sturdy bones. My blues are still a heart hum and occasionally a quiet internal wail of the soul. Some people think it is sick to watch someone they care about sliding a finger into a bloody hole where love once was, but I know for me it is right and healthy to feel it all. Cuz Love is all. The joy and the sorrow and the hope and the despair. And the fucking irony, too. Loving a child, losing a wife, learning to love with an open hand and not be so possessive (even tho my hand tight on her wrist turns me on). Loving myself through all these lessons. I never did learn how to love and care for myself. Trying.
There was someone I loved very much who betrayed me beyond comprehension. I know she loved me too and she didn’t slice that rope out of malice, but was misguided by her own super-hero earnest. Years ago, at just the exact right moment, my beloved friend leaned over and looked me square in the eye and told me my purpose in this life was Love, to inspire others to Love. Embracing that has changed my life so profoundly. I walk the world with this warm vibration in my chest and a glow that it is so tender and so strong. I am going to make this post public in case she ever ventures here again. I may never see you again, but I still love you. I will forgive you someday. Maybe I already have.
I still love my ex-wife, too, until my last breath.
Happy Fall Equinox, good people. May this new season bring you abundant love. And candy corn.