melissa Etheridge
Who’s yo Daddy?

Rut roh. I knew there was gonna be backlash for Sinclair Sexsmith. S/he decided to  remove all the transmen because of dissenting comments. What will Sinclair do if some of the Butches transition? Who is going to check i.d.s? Apparently none of these people were contacted about their inclusion. Aside form the usual uproar from those who want to make sure transfolk stay outside of dyke space, some transguys are understandably upset over the appropriation. What a mess.



Our liberties are bound, and tolerance is the key to all our freedoms. TOLERANCE has to start with all of us. Early on with, a large number of the members organized a petition asking me to make the site exclusive only to Butches and Femmes and to kick all the transguys out. Some of those people who signed the petition way back when have since transitioned or gone on to partner with transguys. I’m reading some blogs where Butch Voices is also suffering from such a divide. With my next project, I hope to build a bridge for all my brothers and find out what our differences really are.

We are in a revolution together, people. Open your arms and your eyes.

And also… Joan Jett is an edgy Femme, not a Butch. She told me so herself.

(Then I woke up.)


  1. marshaslave

    And yet…

    Butches and Transmen are in different places many times. As just one example, if a transman fully transitions, physically and legally, he has the option of living as a man– a privileged position in our society. Butches don’t have that option. The differences don’t mean we can’t work together on some issues, but I don’t think we can just gloss over the difference in the name of unity. It just isn’t that simple.

  2. frescaphile was the first place I encountered FTMs–the first crucial step to my own transition. I always appreciated your open-door policy, especially after some people began explicitly hinting that I didn’t belong on the site anymore. That’s ancient history now, but it was so important to me then.

    You were instrumental in changing my life, and I’ll always appreciate you for that. Thanks for letting me hang out in your living room when I really needed to. 🙂

  3. daddyrhon

    Re: And yet…

    AND YET! ~~ If we were united, we could be that army of lovers who cannot fail. Infighting is only erosion when we clearly have common enemies, and none of them is either of us.

  4. marshaslave

    Re: And yet…


    and yet… We will not be united on everything. We simply won’t. So I think we will be stronger if we openly accept and acknowledge that, find the areas of agreement we can work on together and honor the areas of difference.

  5. glass_symbol

    I was already in the midst of my transition when I found your living room. It made an enormous difference to me that I was not going to be alone… that I wasn’t doomed to a solitary and unloved existence. I echo Berg in thanking you for making sure it was an inclusive space.

    About sharing space, different paths, etc… I didn’t transition until after spending YEARS fighting the good fight for queer rights in all it’s forms. I seldom expend the effort now (although I’ll always vote for/donate to/support LGBT causes) in very large part due to the continued assumption that I don’t belong anymore. I experienced MUCH harsher treatment from the lesbian and gay community (that I had called my own for my entire adult life) than I ever did from the straight community. And even though I can check the M box and no one will question it, my history and conditioning will ALWAYS keep me in that limbo space. Perhaps those transitioning at younger ages won’t have the same experience, but that’s where I stand. To have people tell me I don’t belong… well, fine. Maybe I WILL go spend my energy somewhere else.

    All that is to say thanks, Rhon. Love your open heart and mind.

  6. hotairharry

    What? I didn’t make the list? I need to talk to my agent.

    Kidding. Really.

    Rhon, I am forever grateful for your livingroom. It helped hone what was already a complicated identity and helped me accept (mostly) me as me. Thank you, man.

  7. daddyrhon

    So do you feel like FTMs have a more cohesive culture now? I really want to get about 20 of us old bulls and young guns, Butches and FTMs, in a room and hammer this out in an intense powwow. I want to write a book that is narrative and not academic that gets to our differences and similarities.

  8. daddyrhon

    Re: And yet…

    Yes, I agree and think communication and information is key. Also, I’d like to take apart the hierarchy of soft-Butch/stone-Butch/FTM. Butches are often seen as “starter” FTMs, but we have our own rich culture and history. Masculinity is so self-protective by nature and our identities are so hardfought, I don’t think this dialogue has ever truly happened on the internet. The honesty and opening up between the two camps would have to be face-to-face, pow-wow style.

  9. b_bit

    If it weren’t for glass symbol and frescaphile along with several others, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and I’m not the only one… how can anyone doubt the worth of transguys to our community? I don’t get that; intellectually I know that it’s the old cultural anger at misogyny rising up to bite us all in the ass. It’s that drive to reclaim and protect everything female which leads people to dismiss anything male as irrelevant or worse–as the enemy. I know this is what leads to the transphobia in our community… but my heart just doesn’t GET it. How could ANYONE read what they have to say, and believe for an instant that either of them doesn’t belong?

    Maybe the problem is that their voices are long since buried in the archives… but I cannot ever forget that the minds I admired the most, the souls which led me on the journey to myself, were Transmen. I will not ever forget.

  10. that_jake_guy

    All I can say with regards to is THANK YOU. I was so struggling to accept myself and my own identity, to figure out what in the world that ever-changing identity was, when I found the website. All I’d ever known of queer folk were girls who wished I’d “be a little less manly”. And here, here was an entire website where my “manlyness” was not only acceptable, but celebrated as well!

    It was also there that I first discovered that transition was a possibility. Now whether or not I “belonged” on the site after transition is another issue, and honestly, I didn’t spend much time there after starting because, well, I just didn’t need it anymore. However, I am forever thankful that transmen were welcome.

    Today, I’m so damn happy in my skin. I’m sure I would’ve gotten here one way or another, but sure did its part to clear the path for me. 🙂

  11. Andrew

    I have to tip my hat to you Rhon. You were always, forever, and a day helping me out. I am slow on the uptake, and it was you who was first to help me. Thank you.

    Yep, life is very different, and I am very happy with who & what I am. It is other folks who have the issues. I leave that on them.

    I remember when I first had my top surgery, it was Bit & Pink who literally saved my life. I was suicidal because I was butchered – literally. I had purchased a gun, and everyone knows about my younger brother commiting suicide at 15 yo. Well, it was thru those two women reaching out to me that saved me. Truely. It made the difference between life and death. So thank you from me, and my family of choice.

    God bless you and your new life, family, and where ever you end up. I wish you nothing but the best in life.

    Peace and all that is good,

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