this is so beautiful

Its no secret to anyone who knows me even a little bit that I am wholly right-brained. I sense emotion in technicolor and am very connected to energy. That’s what makes me highly creative and it’s why I always see the poignancy. The left side of my brain is puny and full of cob webs, however, and I can’t remember dates without alarms to remind me and numbers are like foreign objects. It is why my desk is a mess and I remember faces and not names, why I am always struggling to be more structured. I can do repetitive brain tasks based on rules when I have to, but that kind of focus is forced and always makes me feel very frustrated and sad. Some people find comfort in methodology, but it literally makes me feel like I’m dying. When head chatter is silent and I am in the moment, *all in*, the intimacy I quietly experience with the universe easily moves me to tears, not of sadness, but more like a heavy, low vibration of sheer joy, intensely exhilarating and beautiful. My own hands feel delicate and potent, and I want to paint and write and capture the hum so that others can hear it, too. Because it is the hum of all of us.

I think the right/left brain concept is so well illustrated by a left-brained scientist who had never experienced the state so familiar to artists and poets. In this video, she explains what it felt like when she had a stroke and lost most of the function of her left brain<. She was so moved being in her right brain experience that she sobs and explains it as a miracle. The world really isn't a safe place to feel so intensely, so right-brainers spend our lives trying to dull our emotions with will or with chemicals, trying again and again to learn algebra, trying to fit into linear time. When she is talking about being in the moment and experiencing everything as energy and pure emotion, that is how I feel when I am absolutely healthy and connected, and free. It's like a simmer of love bubbling over, and you can feel the fragility and courage of all the human condition. The only other way I have seen my essence illustrated in way that made me say "YES YES, it is like that", is in the movie American Beauty when that boy next door is crying over a video of a plastic bag blowing in the wind. lol

Here are a few left-brain/right brain tests, but I don’t know if they are accurate.

Hemispheric Dominance Inventory Test

Mind Media Brainworks’s Left Brain vs Right Brain

This one flips back and forth on me and I find it disturbing that I can’t force her one way or the other by staring….. spinning dancer illusion.


  1. nancygrrl

    I found this video so incredibley moving emotionally..I can relate so intensely to what she says that it makes me feel to cry..I think to have things like this explained gives hope for all of us out there who are predominantly right brained, and also explains a lot of spiritual processes we encounter in our self healing..would you mind if I posted it on my journal too?

    Also, that scene in American Beauty was one of my favourite movie moments ever.

    Thank you for this post.

  2. daddyrhon

    You bet, Nancy. And I love all the scraps of beauty you come across and share. Always happy when I see you’ve posted. We seem to be attracted to similar things. 🙂

  3. lizs18

    It’s interesting, I think for me both sides of my brain are active, and even though I’m an intensely emotional and sometimes creative person, I have a side to me that is very rational and linear. In every test like this I always get the results as very close to one another. I remember having a teacher point out that I had a ‘personality conflict’ when taking one of these tests when I was in jr high and thinking, duh, I’ve thought this my whole life! Now a test just confirms it. I can’t say having both of these sides active however means that I can access the side best for each situation and I can’t say it makes walking through the world any easier.

  4. kissiah

    I didn’t watch the videos cuz honestly I just don’t feel like crying now. But I had to write to ask how do you possibly make the spinning dancer go counterclockwise? It’s sooo going clockwise. Then again, I am a pisces 😉

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