str8 dope

Simple things are infused with magic and meaning for me as I rebuild my world. The bullet I wear on my neck is my vitality. It has fallen from its chain, been mourned and then rediscovered at least a dozen times this past year. My kid found the bullet a few days ago in the driveway, and I need to hang it next to my heart again. The labradorite babygirl gave me became the symbol for my yearning and my aim, an earthy dark stone I sometimes warm in my hands as I’m working. Its quiet secret is that it flashes suddenly and gloriously iridescent when held to the light. I also have a turkey feather from a beloved faraway friend’s land that I hope to see one day, stuck into the chime of a bell the same friend gave me a dozen years ago when we were both young. Her gifts remind me that some really fine people did love me simply for who I am, and still do. Since I am reinventing my life, I also hung my own mission statement from a pushpin. Its says:

I INTEND TO LEAVE AN IMPRINT ON BEAUTY AND LOVE ON THE WORLD BY FORGING AND MAINTAINING A FORWARD-MOVING, CREATIVE, PEACEFUL LIFE ROOTED IN INTEGRITY AND STABILITY SO THAT I CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF MYSELF, MY FAMILY, AND MY COMMUNITY.

Working on alla dat every day. 😉

Kicked off my smoking cessation yesterday. No cigarettes in the morning is the hardest! When I wake up to write, it’s been my luxurious habit to smog up half a pack while sipping four shots of espresso. I’m just gonna mix up my routine for the next few days and not sit here at my desk so much. I have 3 nicotine patches leftover from an earlier attempt, and I taped one of those motherfuckers to my arm. Got a bag of Atomic Fireballs too!

M has been behaving much better since I put the smack down on her narrow little behind. She’s still so irresponsible though, I have to double-check her comings and goings, and then take the extra step to verify everything that comes out of her mouth. My kid adores babygirl, but still gets a little jealous sometimes, like she wanted the new desk from Craiglist to be her’s. With all her shenanigans, I know it sounds like she would just be a pain, but even her exasperated teachers admit although she is two fucking handfuls, M is just so dang sweet and likable. My mom said that, too. Lately her delinquent little boyfriend has been pressuring her. I tell her everything she needs to know about sex and offer my advice without judgment. As she moves father into her teens, I know she probably won’t share these private things with me any longer, but I do hope she uses her head about that stupid boy. She knows she would be betraying herself.

I’m doing a weekly poetry workshop the next few months and really looking forward to it.

For the last few months, we only eat any kind of meat maybe once a week. I found the po’ folks food bank here and ordered some bulk produce and seafood. We are so fucking tight! But somehow with crazy cosmic luck, some creativity and a web gig here and there, I’m pulling it off. I’ve worked since I was 12 and am not opposed to shuffling for The Man, but this divorce and the resulting destruction of my livelihood happened at a really crucial period in M’s life. She’s just not in a place where she can be left to her own devices. A flat tire or unexpected overdraft charges could sink us, but I’ve been here before and remind myself tons of folks are in the same place with this economy. Really, it sounds crazy to call yourself lucky when someone has set out to deliberately destroy you, but I’m sincerely grateful for all my fortuity this past year.

Good day, all.

Article written by

Daddy Rhon is known as an outlaw poet, author, artist, speaker, kinkster, web developer, community organizer, queer activist, and a founding leader of the genderqueer movement

11 Responses

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  1. frescaphile
    frescaphile at |

    I can’t see you shuffling for the man, either. Love that turn of phrase, it made me LOL. lol!

    Glad to hear that Meesha’s doing well.

  2. bluemamie
    bluemamie at |

    I’m pretty sure you are indestructible.

  3. lizs18
    lizs18 at |

    Congrats on being resourceful and on quitting smoking! You can do it!

  4. mamakai
    mamakai at |

    I have found if I wish to feed my kids and give them things I HAVE to work for the man or who ever else I can earn a paycheck from!

  5. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    I can make more freelancing at home than working hourly in a an office. Right now, I can’t even trust that child to catch her bus so as a single parent I am thankful for the small gigs I do get.

  6. daraqw
    daraqw at |

    I INTEND TO LEAVE AN IMPRINT ON BEAUTY AND LOVE ON THE WORLD BY FORGING AND MAINTAINING A FORWARD-MOVING, CREATIVE, PEACEFUL LIFE ROOTED IN INTEGRITY AND STABILITY SO THAT I CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF MYSELF, MY FAMILY, AND MY COMMUNITY.

    This sounds downright UU. 😉 It’s nice to hear you sounding so grounded and upbeat, despite circumstances.

  7. hotairharry
    hotairharry at |

    Proud of you for quitting smoking, bro.

    Hang tough…you are doing great with work, the kid and life in general. And you have a hot girl to boot!

  8. nightsinge
    nightsinge at |

    So glad to come back to El Jay and find this post today. I need to be here more often.

    Love and agree with magic symbolism. Tell me the story/meaning of bullet for you if not too private?

    I wear a necklace with a figure of two lovers entwined to guide me to follow my path. Love that they are of indeterminate gender! And love and agree with your statement:

    I INTEND TO LEAVE AN IMPRINT ON BEAUTY AND LOVE ON THE WORLD…

    Sweet thoughts coming your way always.

    PS: It’s Springtime in Seattle you know.

  9. stoprelaxthink
    stoprelaxthink at |

    M sounds likable, I can feel the “lucky” reading you 2
    oh and bg too of course :)

  10. nomadicpacker
    nomadicpacker at |

    IBOT

    http://www.butch-femme.com/portal/forums/showthread.php?t=35814

    There was never a report made to “the membership” on april 15th as promised. there’s a big lie going on. if you look at the numbers on the last financial report, there wasn’t enough money to continue robbing peter to pay paul to get through to May. and yet here it is, almost May. i have a sneaking suspicion all the hype about the upcoming bash is really a ploy to generate funds to operate the website and there will BE NO bash. a big rip off. not going to be signing up because both the bash and the site will be belly up come october and a lot of people be pissed off. that’s why members keep resigning from the board, because they don’t want to be culpable when the lawsuits start coming. i sure wouldn’t want to have MY name on any board of “trustees” especially when it’s a sham.

  11. daddyrhon
    daddyrhon at |

    Re: IBOT

    Wow. Thanks for being so honest. I think members on BF.com are too afraid to show me any sort of public support for obvious reasons. I am so sorry she used our community as a tool to hurt me and it affected so many innocents. I hate to see the decline of our family hub. The destruction is all so needless.

Please comment with your real name using good manners.

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