I have finally got up off my knees. My life is simple and good these days.
There was a decade where I got so many emails and cards from people saying how much Butch-Femme.com meant to them, how they had come out and embraced their gender or found their other half. So many! I treasured them but never answered most because there were so many. Now the PO Box is somewhere in California and I haven’t had access to webmaster mail in a year. Still I am blessed to get at least one of those kind emails or messages on myspace or Fetlife or LJ at least every day. I answer every single one.
We are surviving on a scary edge since C started a new dating site. Her final bullet hit Meesha, but I worked past some of my anger. She was the love of my life. I can’t say how many Femmes came up to me over the years and said, “One day, I hope I find someone who loves me as much as you love Christine.” Seriously. Maybe 50 misty-eyed half strangers said that to me. I loved her so.
Today someone told me that the way I love seems insincere since I express it so freely. I grew up being forcefed glass and there was a time when I had willed myself to feel nothing in order to survive. In my 20s, I woulda stole the last pack out of your carton and tried to sleep with your Mom. Coming to love has been a long journey. I am gonna keep giving it away and looking for the good people who can hold it.
Daddy Rhon is back, fukkas.