On love

I have finally got up off my knees. My life is simple and good these days.

There was a decade where I got so many emails and cards from people saying how much Butch-Femme.com meant to them, how they had come out and embraced their gender or found their other half. So many! I treasured them but never answered most because there were so many. Now the PO Box is somewhere in California and I haven’t had access to webmaster mail in a year. Still I am blessed to get at least one of those kind emails or messages on myspace or Fetlife or LJ at least every day. I answer every single one.

We are surviving on a scary edge since C started a new dating site. Her final bullet hit Meesha, but I worked past some of my anger. She was the love of my life. I can’t say how many Femmes came up to me over the years and said, “One day, I hope I find someone who loves me as much as you love Christine.” Seriously. Maybe 50 misty-eyed half strangers said that to me. I loved her so.

Today someone told me that the way I love seems insincere since I express it so freely. I grew up being forcefed glass and there was a time when I had willed myself to feel nothing in order to survive. In my 20s, I woulda stole the last pack out of your carton and tried to sleep with your Mom. Coming to love has been a long journey. I am gonna keep giving it away and looking for the good people who can hold it.

Daddy Rhon is back, fukkas.


  1. ashtonstoneking

    “the way I love seems insincere since I express it so freely.” Obviously, not a child of the 60’s!! Brother you keep on loving the way you love, we wouldn’t have you any other way!!

  2. wickedsuzi

    Daddy Rhon is BACK FUKKAS !!!!!! WOOOO HOOOOOOOOO !!!!!

    Look out, cause I know what he’s CAPABLE of…. {no, not THAT way ya dirty minded little shitters!!!!} but I’ve watched his genius at work for more than 10 years…. and a focused Rhon is an amazing thing. Christine and I used to marvel at the incredible talent and vision Rhon had. I remember one time we were all out on the front porch in the second house they had, and Chris had asked me what were my top priorities when looking for a mate. She said for her, an above average intelligence coupled with passion and poetry was what set her afire. For me, I just wanted someone who wouldn’t hit me, who had a job {and WENT to it} and who wouldn’t cheat on me. Kinda sad right?

    But seriously….. Rhon…. I can’t tell you how glad I am to be reading your words. I thank GAWD that you are finding your strength and focus/will again. You built that website. I WATCHED you do it….. and you can do it again…. yes, maybe differently…. but still…. there is no reason why you and Meesha should ever have to do without anything. Your creativity and imagination are awesome! I’ve never met anyone who can match you in that department.

    As far as the way you loved her? I watched that too… for over 10 years and it was a love I will never forget. It shaped and colored Heaven’s life and mine and countless others as well. I won’t say anymore except that I am incredibly proud to be your friend and don’t let ANYone tell you how to love or how to show it. Anyone who tries to do that can KISS your ass.

    My brother calls this “The Age of Assholiness” and it is funny but true. Everybody thinks they have to have this big front goin’ on…. and they need to be seen as standoffish and “bad” you know? Like they are all silently saying “Don’t mess with ME” rather than being open and loving. It’s sad really.. but there it is. I just keep on being my strange self and most folx think I’m weird but what’s new?

    Heaven and I send you Much Love….

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{you and meesh}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

  3. feministransguy

    What touched me most was when I heard you say, “Daddy Rhon is back.” This year I’ve known you must be in the running for worst ever for you, and I do think you can do really amazing things out from under it. And I say that not discounting that you have done important work for yourself and your daughter and finding more community.

  4. rev_hank

    I cant even begin to tell you how much you changed my life, motherfucker.

    So glad to see you back in the saddle.
    The pictures are gorgeous btw.

    love you, drinkwater.


  5. feisty1

    The father of my children, my ex, once said to me, “I don’t tell you I love you very often because if I do, it won’t mean anything and you’ll take it for granted. I only tell you every once in a while because then it’ll be special.” That mentality is all well & fine for someone who has a heart too small to contain love, therefore can’t afford to give any away.

    I’m the kind of person who wants to hear it everyday. Every time my girlfriend tells me she loves me, each and every day, I know it’s sincere and it’s special. I tell my children every morning before they leave for school and every night when I tuck them in, and occasionally at odd times throughout the day. Does this mean it’s insincere because I say it so often? NO. Quite the opposite. The we love and the more we’re loved, the bigger our hearts get. (Remember the grinch?!)

    Keep on keeping on Rhon.

  6. daddyrhon

    This is like the nicest thing anyone ever said to me. Thank you and Heaven both for the good love. Even though you lost your best friend, you’ve been my touchstone through this whole year, Sooz, cuz you know the truth. I was telling Heaven on the phone tonight how proud I am of you for working so hard. Hope all your dreams come true, SooziQ. You two will always be family to me!

  7. blues_gal

    I think life is too short to not give all the love you can. If people think your generosity with loving seems insincere then maybe it’s because they are afraid they couldn’t give love that freely, that they don’t have enough to do that, so therefore you are being insincere. What they don’t realize is that the more you give out affection and love, the more you have to give.

    I’m glad you’re back Rhon 🙂

  8. daddyrhon

    The more love you give, the bigger your heart grows, and the more you have to give. You are so right. Also, vulnerability is strength. I have learned that the hard way. Thanks, Fiesty one!

  9. feisty1

    Yes, that’s what I was trying to say. Sometimes my hands can’t always type what my mind is thinking, so I’m glad you understood. 🙂

  10. apocalipstic63


    People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes only for a while. Who knows why?

    I try to take the good, let go of the bad and keep forging on.

    Am so happy to hear your are feeling like yourself again!

    Raise HELL! 🙂

  11. dlls2934

    Love with all your heart everytime. Don’t let anyone stop you from that. Don’t listen to them.

    I have a theory, people don’t love with all they have because they are afraid of the pain. I got news, the pain happens anyway so love with everything you have every chance you get. It makes the pain worth it. Don’t ever miss a chance to say you love someone, it really might be the last you ever get. Don’t let fear stop you from living your life full, at the top of the possibilities. The fear won’t go away, but letting it control you can keep you from the joy and happiness too.

    Give love freely and with abandon, it is a renewable resource and never runs out.

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