Does anyone know why the ‘board’ hasn’t posted a financial report on Butch-Femme.com since October? The last one showed a surplus of twenty grand. I suppose the tragic poet in me needs to swirl the irony. We are in dire circumstances since C started a free dating site, and I stayed up most of the night researching charities to find out who gives away food and toys on Christmas. Tomorrow I will sell my blood. I have been poor most of my life, but doing it with a kid is breaking my fucking heart. I am literally scouring change this weekend, keeping in mind how many people are in the same boat with the economy. I start teaching again in the spring, and that job still allows me to be there for this troubled kid. I know we will make it. Just having a moment this morning.
Oh, I have so much to be thankful for. Truly.
- Although sitting right next to it is making me cry at the moment. our Christmas tree is beautiful.
- I can return that phone and get Meesha some cheap posters, buttons, and thrift clothes. She’s fun to shop for, and is thrilled with little things. She loves that her Converse are all beat up and raggedy looking. lol Thank gawd.
- My old truck still fires right up. It’s Meesha’s refuge, just as my dad’s truck was for me. She has been out there listening to her CDs, chewing up all my gum and scribbling emo poems since she woke up.
- I get to start that amazing writing program in January! OMG OMG!! I don’t know how I will cover half the tuition, but I will figure it out. Wanted that real bad.
- I start new teaching programs in January. Those crummy lil checks have saved us.
- Meesha is mine. She is troubled and rebellious by nature, and I worry, worry, worrry, but right now, I am keeping her safe. The little girl is making friends and coming into her own. How that little colt has stretched my heart even as it was breaking. Love her so,
- I haven’t had time for creativity since I moved, but about 7 or 8 squiillion fetish models have asked me to take their picture!! I am meeting the most talented shutter whores in my community, and I am gonna learn ALOT. Sooooo glad Chris deemed this camera unworthy to take. I treasure it.
- I have such sincerely fucking sweet Femmes in my life at the moment, and I am learning so much about my desire, how trust and intimacy turn my key. Might even hafta give up my stone card (!!!!) and I am kinda ok with that.
- My strongest advocate these past few years is a wise Femme therapist who was once my ex wife’s therapist also. She sees the scenario clearly and it was she who held my hand and helped me break free from my marriage when my basic needs were not met. These days this good woman continues to see me weekly for no payment other than a hug… simply because she believes in the impact I will make once I am back on my feet. Thank you, Judy, for believing so deeply in me. I owe you so much.
- I have managed to bring together a damn fine core family here in Dallas — good folks who love me and support me.
- I’ve actually come to love our little apartment. It’s perfect — a bargain and a blessing. I offered to manage the building for a cut on rent (empty except for us right now cuz the management folks are STOOPIT) and the landlord is going to let me know tomorrow.
- I’m working on a project that is gonna dent the gotdam planet!!!! Oh. Oh. Oh.
- My local Butch/FTM brothers and my faraway Butch-FTM brothers who mean the world to me.
- Butches and Femmes I have never met who still write me on Fetlife or Myspace to thank me for the work I’ve done with Butch-Femme.com. The lingering connection reminds me that I can manifest my dreams.
- Ha! Meesha just came in and said she read the manual for the stereo in my truck (yeh! my kid can read!) and now all of the speakers are working! The Drinkwater family shall rock yet again.
Fuck tears, eh? This list cheered me up. Thanks for reading. Hope everyone had a good weekend. I really did.